And life goes on...
Thank you for your lovely messages and emails of support, as always you are a rather lovely bunch. When writing our campaign blog on myspace I entitled it “down but not defeated”. Life can be hard, but if I had let that stop me in the past I wouldn’t still be here. Plus it’s always harder for someone else, for example Robyn’s family and closest friends, and they are still going. I continued to feel quite down after writing that blog until Saturday when I sat with tears streaming down my face with A trying to soothe me. I spouted a rather childish “it’s not fair” followed by “I couldn’t save her” both of which were somewhat daft things to say. As always (annoyingly) A was very logical about the whole thing, pointing out gently that it doesn’t matter how hard I campaign, I won’t be able to save everyone.
That’s the key thing really isn’t it? If I want to pursue this as a line of work (and I do, I love helping people and I think I’m quite good at it) then I need to be able to cope and carry on. Also it is extremely important that I take that vital thing that Robyn’s mum said away with me; remember how precious your life is, and use that to ensure I keep a good balance.
On Friday night I went out to celebrate two 25th birthdays. As I was sitting chatting to my friend I realised the last time I had been present at one of her birthday celebrations was her 18th. After that she went to uni, then I went, then I was too ill. Yet now I was able to go along and celebrate with them and eat a rather huge burger from the Gourmet Burger kitchen which I made such a terrible mess of I had to carve up with my knife and fork to salvage it. Saturday night I was out again, this time up in Covent Garden sampling various cocktails.
My daddy and I went shopping late last night (I had to get petrol and milk and it was dark and there were wolves after me etc) and as we walked out of the supermarket having dashed around to get a few bits my dad said “do you ever stand there in the queue at the checkout and want to turn round to the people behind you and say “this time last year this would have been impossible!” it’s funny, I often get that feeling, it’s more whenever I suddenly realise I am doing something for the first time or something that would have taken so much effort and been so draining. I want to turn round and squeal “look at me I did it!!” and shout out with glee (the word glee is not used enough in my opinion).
For me life is good. I am lucky, am here, am alive, am living it. So I am getting off the computer and going out now to enjoy it some more. Have a great day.
The C Word
4 hours ago