Friday, March 26, 2010

Apologies for being profoundly rubbish on the blogging front.

As per usual, whenever I go silent, it's a good sign; it means life is so busy that I've inevitably triple booked myself and don't have time to update my blog. So yes, all is fine; I am well, I am very happy and I am extremely busy.

March is always a busy month and my favourite month of the year; the weather is warming up, we're heading towards the end of the spring term, but predominantly because it's my birthday. I had a fantastic day and a wonderful celebration, dancing the night away with fabulous family and friends. Below is a picture to demonstrate the classy and stylish celebrations that were held (it was a 90s themed do, we didn't just inadvertently all decide to dress up as Spice Girls).

That's all of an update you're getting today I'm afraid, instead I'm going to list some blogs that I think you should check out when I'm being naughty and lax at writing:

Lucy's Blog.
Yes I'm a tad biased as Lucy is my sister, but she's a bloody amazing writer. Just take a look, particularly at this recent post which I thought was particularly fab due to it's frankness and honesty.

Nick's blog.
Nick's son Adam has neuroblastoma. I have a connection with this family in the fact that I am Adam's music teacher, or was when he was well enough to be in school. The family are desperately trying to raise the money to get Adam to the US for life-saving treatment so please do pop over to his appeal website and read a bit about the family and the campaign as well.

Jac's blog.
I just love her style of writing, and also the stories of Seb, her rather cute dog. Jac is a double lung transplant recipient like myself.

LLTGL Ambassador blog
Written by Tor and Rachy (both waiting for lungs), but earlier this month Rachy received her call and is so far doing very well. If you want to learn more about the wait for transplant, this blog is one for you.

Tori's blog
Another lovely lady waiting for lungs; I love her honesty, her style (both in writing and in her fab clothes) and her ability to pull off bright red lipstick!

The end of term is looming (and with it plenty of concerts) but then for the Easter Holidays, which I am extremely excited about as it will hopefully provide me with an opportunity to catch up with myself. Watch this space.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Just to reassure you, I haven't done any of the following:

a) died
b) hit my head and suffered from amnesia
c) given up blogging
d) fallen down a hole somewhere (likely, but luckily untrue this time)
e) become a monk
f) run away to mexico to start a new life

I have merely been busy. But found time to disappear off to a little piece of paradise for a week...

Me swimming in paradise, aka Mauritius.

It was beautiful, hot, relaxing and very much needed. And I feel very lucky and refreshed.

Bit of musing because I need to really; apologies for this being a bit deep on a Monday morning but it's been stuck in my head and I really need to get over it, and, well, my blog is my therapist so hear goes.

I've been thinking a lot about this dream coming to an end recently. Just to reassure, there is absolutely no reason for me to be contemplating this - my lungs are behaving exceptionally well - *touches wood half a dozen times* - and I am happy and healthy and very lucky.

I think it's more that it has been triggered by several other things, one of which is reading the blog of this incredible young woman here. Eva is in the end stages of chronic rejection and desperately needs a re-transplant, fast. Please do pop over to her blog and leave her a message as she loves reading them. Advanced warning, she is very poorly and brutally honest. Every time I log onto it I hope hard that I read the message saying she's got her call.

As well as this, my life seems to have structure and a future right now, and perhaps I am scared of following this path which has implications for not this year and possibly not next year but for some time after that. Maybe even after all this time, planning ahead is frightening as it feels almost like I am tempting fate.

Maybe I just feel too lucky. I have been given so much, do I feel spoilt and demanding in wanting more? Am I afraid that my luck will run out? I don't think afraid is the right word actually, rather that the idea of it running out has been something I've been contemplating a lot more recently.

No one is immortal. I guess the threat of rejection is something every transplant patient considers at some time. For some reason, I've got it into my head that because I've not had any so far *touches wood lots of times again* if/when I do, it'll be a biggie. Any logic to that at all? Nope, none whatsoever. I get cross at myself for thinking about it when a) I'm fine and b) it's all a bit self-indulgent. I think by blogging maybe this little black hole of musing might close up.

Those of you who see me on a day-to-day basis know that there's nothing wrong and I'm not down or depressed. Merely a little thoughtful at present. And it's not really the kind of conversation you strike up with someone: "you know this whole transplant thing? Well I've been thinking about when it all comes to an end..." - way to ruin someone's day! But it is something I think about. Now and then. Don't dwell, but think.

What's the answer? There isn't one. No-one knows when their dream will come to an end, it's not something that is only relevant to me, so the only answer is to keep on loving it and making the most of it whilst it shimmmers.