Without going into too much detail I had a not very pleasant couple of months a while back, and was finding myself crushed under things which gave the pretence of being vitally important but which in actual fact, weren't. It's easy to lose perspective when someone is in your ear persuading you to dedicate all your time and energy to something that if you stood back and took a look, was never really that important to you in the first place, and certainly wasn't helping anyone (something I have since realised is pretty vital to me for fulfilment purposes).
Now I look back I am surprised at how easily my confidence was crushed; I would have thought I'd have more emotional strength than that but then again it is a new world now, one in which I feel I don't have much experience in and certainly less than my peers, so it was easy to believe that when told. It feels like it would be so easy to now say "I want to stick to things that I know I can do" but I think it would be much healthier to keep on trying new things, and learn what else is out there.
I think I might have mentioned before an advert I've seen on the tube which says something like "there are a million different ways to change the world. Find yours." I've already found mine, I know what it is and what I'm good at and what I love to do with all my heart and soul. And when I am kept so busy that I don't have time to even glance at it, I become frustrated and unsatisfied. I just now need to work out how to balance necessities of life with doing what I love: helping people and raising awareness for a cause that is so near and dear to my heart.
I'm still a little lost, but I'm getting there. I have a map now (I think) but it's in Spanish and it's upside down, but at least it's there and I'll slowly start figuring it out. I'm learning that I am good at stuff again, and feeling more confident and gathering myself together again, to how I was. Surely nothing is worth losing your sense of self over is it.
A little cryptic? Sorry. As often happens this blog is more for my own benefit than for my readers. Have a picture to make up for it.
8 comments:
I think you know in yourself what is best for you and that doesn't change with all lifes confusing changes so trust yourself. You have been given (through a lot of pain and suffering I know) a 'new' life and so are far ahead of your peers in the appreciating whats important stakes. They just see life as life not as something wonderful and precious to enjoy and treasure so don't think they are ahead of you. Sorry if I have rambled here.
Sending hugs! x
I can speak pretty good Spanish if that helps...oh and I can read maps upside down too. Give me a call if you need a hand ;o) xxxx
Just sending you some big hugs (((xxx))) (actually it looked so much funnier when I made a spelling mistake which said i'm just sending you some big jugs! lol!)
Much love Gilly xxxx
Since you are a girl, it is probably more helpful to have the map upside down. Remember that even if you are superhuman, you are still human. Nice fairy castle, BTW.
I broke the string on my violin reading that!
Most of us struggle though without a map or with one that is complete gibberish. At least if yours is Spanish you stand a chance. Everyone is here to help and support you, you are never alone and you will find your own way.
Big hugs
Pauline
I love your loony ramblings...even when I don't know what on earth you're on about, you manage to strike a chord! One of the good things about getting older is that your sense of self gets stronger, I think, and you're less likely to get sidetracked by people who think they know better. Can't wait till I'm very old and don't care two hoots about what anyone else thinks...bring it on! Sue G xx
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