Monday, March 17, 2008

I was discharged from Harefield exactly one year ago yesterday.

I still cannot quite believe how far I've come. I remember so vividly feeling nervous, shaking like a leaf (the medication doses combined with my muscle wastage caused this) my speech was slow and hesitant (something which I think anyone who has spoken to me recently would agree is no longer a problem) and I was scared; scared of what lay ahead, of the unknown. It was an exciting but terrifying moment, leaving those winding safe grey and blue corridors, leaving a room which consisted of a bed, a chair and a timetable of daily monotony.

I knew what was coming each day and when and why, but more importantly I didn’t really have to know, as there was always someone there of the medical profession to double check everything anyway. Becoming institutionalised is, in my opinion, a well-established phenomenon. Desire for your freedom begins to give way to fear of it, and dislike of your restrictions is disolved by comfortable routine.

I needn’t have feared; life at home was more wonderful than I could have imagined, and what the psychologist had said was true; you don’t need to worry that you have lost your “place”, your role as the sick one, as your new role will quickly flourish and grow and feel normal faster than you think.

Life since 16th March 2007 has moved at such speed that I feel like I’ve been flying. I have packed as much as I possibly can in every single day, firstly as I just want to grasp each and every opportunity with both hands but also I think to some extent because I still find it hard to let go of that slight underlying fear that this magic carpet might be whisked away…I don’t want to waste it whilst it’s here.

This has been a monumental year, and I’ve done a million and one things I never dreamed I ever would or could. To round off a year out of hospital in style, it is my birthday tomorrow. Amusingly a year ago having been firmly instructed “have a nice quiet weekend, not too many people, not too much going on” my mother threw a party for 100 people in a slight (and possibly inherited) fit of over excitement.

This year will be much more serene (am a working grownupperson) but equally as special. I say it all the time and I imagine it’s becoming so very boring to read but there are no other words; I am such a lucky lucky girl.

14 comments:

Marjolein said...

You are.. And you deserve it so so much! Happy birthday! Have a wonderful day tomorrow

X, Marjolein

Katie H said...

Have a lovely birthday tomorrow, and keep enjoying every day - what a great way to go through life. Really pleased to hear that the job is going well. Katie x

Anonymous said...

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday, we hope you have a lovely day.
Lots of Love from
C's in laws

Holly said...

Happy Birthday hun!

Have a gr8 day

Much love x

Anonymous said...

Hi sweetie,

Have a very happy birthday tomorrow. Enjoy yourself. Isnt it such a bonus to be able to celebrate when this time last year both you and I didnt think we would see Christmas let alone another birthday.

Have a great day!!
Lots of love

Lisa xxxxx:):):):):)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Em! Hope you have a fabulous day and that you get to eat lots of yummy birthday cake. You can even tackle the candles all in one go this year!
Love you lots
Sally and Rich xxx

Andy said...

Have a lovely day tomorrow.
Your blogs are never boring to read, you are so interesting and such an inspiration.
Hope you haev a loevely day

Andy x x

Anonymous said...

Emily, Happy Birthday. I am so happy you are being so active and positive. I've been blah and lazy lately, not living my life to the fullest like you are. I need to be more like you and get some energy and motivation. Send some positive vibes to me please.

Love, Randall

Kat said...

Wow, it's been such an amazing year and you've achieved so much! Here's to many many more happy and healthy years!
Happy birthday! :) xxx

Gilly said...

You will never be a boring read girlie!!

Happy Birthday

Gilly xx

Michele Corston said...

HAPPY BIRHTDAY EMILY

So glad you are enjoying yourself and that you like your job.

Enjoy blowing out those candles.

All the best
Michele.

Anonymous said...

May this day return to you many times happily. Wishing you all the best and hope you had a great day

Jac said...

Hope you had a fab birthday :-) It's amazing to think how far you have come in only a year - goodness knows what you will be up to this time next year!!

higs
xx

Anonymous said...

Happy belated birthday and I was delighted to get back off hols and see hat all is well with your lungs!

Audrey xx