Sunday, December 31, 2006

It’s the last day of the year. I always get a bit contemplative around New Year – I am fairly sure everyone does – and the last couple of years I have been a tad teary at the stroke of midnight. This isn’t because I get terribly sad, more due to the huge flood of emotions which seem to envelope me as a year’s worth of experiences, memories and feelings sweep by in seconds, accompanied by a mixture of excitement, trepidation and fear at what lies ahead.

This time last year I was getting very nervous indeed. I had lots to celebrate and look back on happily but was glad to be leaving behind the terribly difficult few months in hospital in the summer which had frightened me more than anything ever before. I was looking forward to a new year, but was saddened by the thought that it could well be my last. This year of course is practically identical, with perhaps each emotion slightly heightened. After all if I were to concentrate on statistics and predictions, I officially run out of time in February. However if the last two years have taught me anything it is that a)whilst there is uncertainty there is hope and b)if I can possibly do what I am not medically supposed to, be it good or bad, you can be damn sure I will try and be that anomaly.

I think I have a better focus this year, as last year I was fairly convinced that I would either have received my transplant by Christmas 2006 or would not be here at all, which thankfully has turned out to be untrue. This year I am trying to go into it with much less contemplation about what the year holds, as I know from 2006 that both the highs and the lows can go to new levels you never imagined possible. I have had innumerable experiences this year which I would never have imagined possible at this stage of my health, from launching the Live Life Then Give Life campaign, to going clubbing with my oxygen on, from giving a speech at the House of Lords, to 2 weeks later being told I was dying and nothing more could be done, then walking 500metres and across that finish line (dressed in more pink than you could possibly visualize) 6 weeks after that.

Who knows what the New Year will bring, and not just in the way of health. But I think you can be fairly certain there will be highs and lows, and so the best thing to do is to look forward to all the new opportunities and exciting possibilities which are about to open up, and when the more testing moments come, charge at them whooping loudly in an act of intimidation and tackle them head on. What I do know is that I have had an amazing Christmas and am going to go forward and live and love 2007 to the best of my ability.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year.

This is my life and I choose to love it.

13 comments:

cory/fpj said...

"This is my life and I choose to love it."

I live a very different life than you, medically and consequently otherwise. As you supposedly do, I battle depression. I think about how I wish certain things to be better about my life, particularly if they seem within my control. But, if we just focus on today, we realize that today has interesting, unique challenges that we become unaware of if we look too far ahead and fret about bigger things.

Today, I vegged in front of my computer a good portion of the day and created a facebook account. In doing so, I missed out on unpacking from my holiday trip to San Diego. I missed out on finishing cleaning my new apartment.

But maybe today was meant to be lived the way I lived it, even if I don't feel a sense of accomplishment from it. Tommorrow, assuming there is one, I can introduce a different game plan.

But considering my jet lag, I chose to love my life as it was today.

Thanks for a quotable quote. I wish you and Kina and Steph and I all lived locally. You'd be a blast to hang out with (even if I don't need any pink shoes).

Michele Corston said...

Emily,

I have just read you lastest blog and please don't think your time will be up in February because it won't be I am sure those new lungs are not to far away as they will be so pink and will do a great job in looking after you. And hopefully there will be a cure for CF of course with a lot of help from you.

Keep in touch Emily. and I wish you a Happy 2007.

Kat said...

Another beautiful and very moving post, Em :) You really are a star, and I hope 2007 brings you lots of happiness, and some shiny new lungs!

Happy New Year to you and your family!
Love Kat xxx

Alice said...

If we could all think and behave a little bit more like you Em, we would be much better people for it. I love your outlook on the next year. If anyone will do it, you will. All of my love is with you
xXx

Anonymous said...

What a great way to look at 2007 Em... Thanx so much for the prospective on it.. As today I was feeling a bit down about next year and transplant..
But your right, you have proved everyone wrong by still vbeing here so who knows whats round the corner so I will try to think like that to (although I cant gurantee I will all the time) but its a great way to look forward.. Look for positives!!!
Hope you have a good New Year and your wishes come true...

xx Sandy xx

sian said...

Damn these blogs! I've read many 'CF blogs' in the last couple of days and I get all emotional! I don't think anybody knows what's round the corner... especially us CF dudes. But if we can all show the same positivity and courage you have over this past year then we can all fight this disease. Em, I wish u a happy and healthy new year. I'm sure that these lungs will come and they will come early on in the year so u can party! Good luck in 2007 lovely. Hugs and lots of love xxxx

Clo said...

HUggs forever, heres to 2007, I hope your dreams come true. xxx

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year, Em. I have everything crossed for you this year - I hope all your wishes come true. Audrey xx

willybob said...

Hey Emily,

Hope that you enjoy your new year and 2007 brings you the transplant you so deserve :o)

This time last year I felt that It would be years before I got a transplant but I received the gift on the 17th february.

You are such an inspiration to all of us either awaiting transplant or post transplant. You never give up promoting the cause. Who knows maybe your played a part in me receiving mine??

I don't particularly enjoy this time of year myself, it has always been a time of ill health and hospital stays :o( This year has been different, although I've been bogged down with a nasty infection at least I've stayed out of hospital and been able to eat and drink what I want. Thats something I couldn't do last christmas.

take care and I look forward to reading your next blog.

misdee said...

in theory, yes feb. but in practise no. Peters time was up in march 2006. he is still here. and so are you. You are both fighters, and i hope the new year brings lots of good things and some nice new/secondhand lungs which work well for you.

keep fighting the good fight.

Sarah

Nicola said...

Dearest Em,Happy 2007!!!

I sincerely hope with all my heart that this year is the year where you start afresh with a new lease of life and new lungs,and you will be able to achieve all you ever dreamed of.

Hugs
Nicola x.

MoO said...

Happy Newyear lovely girl! I too was a tad teary at the stroke of midnight, I think the whole year just washed right over me and I was overwhelmed! One of the most important things about the year was having the opportunity to meet you, and of course all of the other Mums,and Cf sufferers that use the forum that I would never had had the chance to meet.

So I just wanted to say thankyou and hope that you get your transplant and you also have another great year regardless.

Much love MoO xx

swissfriend said...

Happy New Year, Emily, to you and all your loved ones as well as to all those other CF sufferers and supporters out there. May this one bring perfect health to all of you. Never mind the February prognosis Em, no-one can foretell the future - if they could, they would be making a fortune. There are just so many factors that come into play and one of the most important is willpower, of which you have more than anyone I know. So you will get there, believe me.........Here's thinking of you. All the best, Janet