OK so I actually do have a good excuse for not writing this time.

I've been in hospital. It feels a bit weird to write that, and it was even weirder being an inpatient again. I mentioned bits and bobs about not feeling right, naughty left lungbehaviour and paranoia but I will start from the beginning....

Just over a month ago, Dr C noticed a slight shadow on my Xray. I didn't think much of it but he said I had to come back a month later to have it re Xrayed. The week I was due to return, I started coughing more, feeling a slight crackling sensation in my left lung, and generally not feeling "right". I tried to vocalise this to the SHO as best I could ("something isn't right" isn't the most clear description really). I had no obvious symptoms; my lung function was steady and my X ray actually seemed clearer than the last time so whether it was to humour me or not I don't know, but she decided put me on Oral antibiotics and sent me away again.

I followed the course like a good girl but was just feeling worse and worse and then last Monday decided to concede defeat and booked another appointment for the Thursday of that week. I was still torn between thinking I was paranoid and knowing deep down something wasn't right. On arrival, I did my lung function which showed a drop of over 30% (down from my normal 80 odd percent to 50%). It was a bit of a shock to see it as it just felt so sudden; even back in my CF years I tended to have gradual declines rather than large plummets.

I was pretty scared if I'm honest and not overly surprised that they said they'd be admitting me that day. Since orals hadn't worked I was told we'd start IVs that evening as they were pretty sure I had a chest infection. It was so bizarrel being in hospital, back on IVs....drips and cannulas, hospital bed and hospital food, blood tests and wristbands....all these things used to be a regular part of my monthly activities but I haven't been back in hospital for treatment since my transplant. I have decided that having a transplant definitely makes you more of a wuss when you get poorly. I tried to keep fairly good humoured about it really, as things could be a hell of a lot worse. I also experienced a good strong dose of guilt throughout my stay; what the hell did I have to feel sorry for myself about? When there are people like Jess, like Tor, who are fighting hard every day still the other side of transplant?

The plan was that if my lung function didn't improve in any way shape or form by Monday, I'd be having a CT scan and a bronchoscopy - where they put a camera into the lungs and take some tissue samples for biopsy (to look for rejection). The dreaded 'R' is always a bit scary to hear so I focused on the "it's definitely an infection" bit. Which luckily for me, it seems to be; my lung function on Monday had gone up significantly so the IVs are working, and I'm thrilled to be back at home once more to finish the course.

I am feeling a little rough and washed out from the IVs, but as I say, I really do feel bad about whinging because I definitely know things can be a lot worse. And IVs used to be so routine for me, as did hospital admissions I suppose....I'm just so used to being well now, it came as quite a shock.

I shall try and be good and take things a bit easier till I finish IVs. I shall also try and stay away from further infections and out of trouble. Can't promise though...