Sunday, May 11, 2008

So I am now almost three months into my new job. 3 months! I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown...

I am still loving it there, there is so much to learn and it is quite fast-paced but that’s what I love I think, the new challenge and the opportunity to learn again and try and develop new skills.

Last week I finally agreed to start working 1 day a week from home. It was mentioned from the minute I joined, but I was determined to do a full week onsite, just like anyone else does. I wanted to do this for the first three months as in my head this was the time I really have to prove that I am worth employing (well I have to do that all the time but you know what I mean).

With recent things such as the arthritis diagnosis (thank you so much for everyone who has got in touch and/or posted info about this; it’s so helpful just to know other people have experienced it and are doing fine with it. I am fine too atm, so feeling good about the whole thing and the fact it shouldn’t interfere with day to day too much) it has started to make more sense to at least be set up for the option of homeworking, so if I can’t get into the office for whatever reason, it does not stop me from doing my job. And of course should the flu season/a stomach bug hit then I shouldn’t be on the train/in the office anyway….

So yes there are a million good reasons for me to be set up as a homeworker in case, and if I am I might as well do one day a week at home just to give myself back those few hours spent travelling. So why do I feel like a failure?

It is most definitely all in my head. My team are fantastic and have reminded me you don’t work any less hard when working from home! And of course it’s only one day a week. But I just feel…I don’t know, like I should be there, present in the office, every day for the full week.

As long-time readers of my blog will know, I am not particularly good at caving when I think something is a sign of me relenting to my health. I think this becomes even harder in a way post-transplant, as I am so much better than I was, I feel anything should be achievable. Mind you it’s not to say I couldn’t do a full commuting week, it’s just is 1 day less the better option for me? It probably is.

I’ve always been terrible at the thought of missing out on things too. I used to hate going in to hospital when I was at school, predominantly at the thought of life carrying on behind my back when I wasn’t there. Perhaps this is reminiscent of that…?

I am fully aware this blog makes no sense. I think I just needed to get it out of my system so I can move forward and accept the fact it’s not because I’m different or weaker than anyone else, it’s merely that that will suit my personal circumstances better and enable me to stay well and fulfil my role. Now I just need to believe that...

First BBQ of the year for my family yesterday! You aren’t supposed to have barbecued food post transplant so I always take mine off of the BBQ and head straight to the kitchen to nuke it in the microwave until it is rather small and sizzling. It means I get to enjoy the BBQ taste like everyone else but just in the safest way possible. I am totally overexcited about summer this year as let’s face it, last years was a bit of a no-show. And now it’s beginning to show, I am starting to get excited about my longest holiday since 2003 (2 weeks baby!!) which will be at the end of July…bring it on!

Oh and final point - LLTGL sent out it's first ever newsletter yesterday! Very exciting (well for me anyway!) If you aren't on our mailer but would like to be, please just contact us through the website (or email me) and we will get you on there. Yay!


Anonymous said...

I know me saying this wont make any difference, but i'll give it a shot anyway. Plenty of people work from home who are a picture of health, just because it's more convenient and they often get more work done in the confines of their own home! Dan works from home one day a week (well, i say work in the loosest sense of the word...Wii)and just finds it gives him back some time that would otherwise be spent sitting on the M6 staring at the back of another car. There's no shame in that!
Plus, it means you can do extra bits of work when it suits you, such as silly times of night and just before a hospital appointment- so in that sense it actually makes you a more valuable employee.
If you can do everything everyone else can do now, why not show you can take advantage of the perks like they do too ; )

Holly said...

You most certainly are not a failure missy, don't talk silly!

Take advantage of the opportunity hun, it isn't a sign of weakness!

Hope that it has helped getting it off your chest!

Much love as always x

Anonymous said...

A failure?! Tsk tsk, not you Miss Thackray! Far from in, in fact! I can understand why you might feel like that, but it does sound like there are a lot of positive aspects of homeworking (such as less travelling, and less contact with bugs), and it is only one day a week, so you'll probably become used to it before you know it!

On a happier note, woo holiday! How exciting! :D

Muchos love xxx

PS thank you again for your help with my dissertation - you and Oli form my appendix! (haha!) xxx

Jac said...

Hey, I totally understand where you are coming from with this, as I am already thinking about work and worrying about whether I should be part time/ full time etc.

Apart from the fact it makes complete sense for you to work a day from home (for many reasons) you also have to remember that you didn't get this Tx in order to got this tx in order to live life! If working one day from home makes your life any easier then grab the opportunity and reap the benefits. You know its makes sense ;-)

Anonymous said...

at the company my boyfriend works for you have to work in the office monday to friday until you are more senior. getting to do home work is a sign of having earned your place- that they know you can come up with the goods and don't require supervision etc. my boyfriend would do anything to be a home worker, not least of all because he is totally a night owl and even being able to do a 10-6 day (with no commute) would be about 10 times more productive of him.

You should take pride that they are still happy to pay you when you are working independently, without supervision. That is a real credit to the quality of work you must be doing.

Anonymous said...

Have to agree with Laputain Emy, shows they have a lot of trust in you and know you'll work well from home :)

I'm sure you'll start to enjoy it eventually!and I hardly doubt you'll be sitting around being bored, we all know how likely you are to take it easy :p

As people have said, you are far from a failure and we're still all very proud and rather in awe you're doing 4 full work days!
And remember it's still a million miles away from the time when the only way to get out the house was our little drive around the block ;)

Love you emsy :)

Abby xxx

Jen said...

Enjoy enjoy!! Less time packed like a sardine into depressing Tube trains = more time to spend with your lovely hubby. Working from home is the best!!

leroy said...

hi emily just do what you feel comfortable with i have just gone back to work after donating a kidney to a stranger i feel proud to have given someone a new life.i have no regrets.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
suzie said...

Hiya Em,

I agree with all the points made above but I do understand your feelings. I think its because you're who you are and you demand that extra mile from yourself, anything less and you go into 'why can't I' mode.

Sometimes in doing this we miss the bigger picture, I say we because I so used to be the same, it was SUPERWOMAN or nothing which can lead to one becoming overly self critical.

I tend to view it like this now, when I do something I know I do it with 100% effort no matter what it is, thats enough for me and is usually more than enough for the people I'm doing it for.

I've waffled a bit there, hope you get my drift.

Big (((HUG)))

Anonymous said...

Hey emily!
I think it's great that your work trust you enough and think you are capable enough to work from home without constant supervision. Quite a few of my friends have work from home type jobs (some days of the week also), and it's a lot of responsibility for yourself which employers have to recognise in order to even let you do it.
So it's a fantastic acheivement :-)
I think it makes a lot of sense.

Alice Vogt said...

You can't eat BBQ?!?! They only told me not to eat my meat rare... I've been eating BBQ meat the whole time, and nothing's happened yet! I would die without my BBQ meat!

Anonymous said...

Your thinking behind the one day at home thingy is bonkers, but I am exactly the same as you. I know full well that it makes sense for me to take time off for IV's, and I would always encourage others to stay at home to do them BUT when it comes down to it I rarely take the time and end up doing them at my desk.
I know my issues are purely in my head too - that I'm somehow failing if I take time off. It must just be stubborn CF pride. We're out to prove ourselves and that means pushing ourselves to the point of daftness on occasion...

Your job is clearly busy, and commuting takes it out of even the healthiest of people. It's tiring. Try to focus on the fact that you have a job that allows you this flexibility, and a boss who actually gives a damn about you. It's not that common, and they know as well as you do, that working slightly differently doesn't mean you won't still give 100 per cent.

Once you do a few days at home and actually see what you can achieve, you won't feel bad at all. You'll probably find you get lots more done!

Audrey xx

Anonymous said...

Emily , last year i had to go down by one day a week for the sake of my mental health it was not completely my own decision but it was the push i needed to get sorted , i can honestly say that its the best thing i ever did . i value my life and job so much more for being there less i am able to put more effort in and get more positive feedback due the fact that im no longer tearful from exhaustion . so enjoy it and make the most of it xxx much love Shelley Nunan

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