Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I know I know, I am a terrible person who is ridiculously behind on her blogging and I vow not to let this lapse happen again!

I had to have the day off of work the other week as I had exhausted myself. Now before anyone gets too worried about work being the cause, I am thinking running from place to place (Leeds > Germany > London > Newcastle > London) and not stopping for 16 days on the trot was probably the cause…

So anyway, work (being great) insisted I take the day off, so for the first time in ages, I lay in bed as if I was “poorly” and tried to rest.

And I hated it. As I lay there, flicking from channel to channel trying to find something which wouldn’t slowly kill off my brain cells one by one, I had a very sharp and vivid flashback to when I was ill and this was all I could do, and it panicked me. The feeling of being home and in bed whilst everyone else is at work now for me merely holds bad memories. As A said, I am going to have to get used to enjoying days off again!

Last weekend, A and I decided to do a massive spring clean and essentially remove as much of 3 years worth of contents that we possibly could. In the past, due to my naughty behaviour, the only ever time A got the chance to do big throw-outs is when I was away in hospital (safe from any dust and cleaning product fumes that might emerge) but we had never, both of us, really gone over the whole house.

Having never done a full spring-clean before, what I didn’t expect was the emotional side of it all. Hidden away in cupboards, buried under various documents and letters, emerged traces from my past. A letter I had written to a friend, chatting excitedly about finding “our new house” which never got sent as I had a rather large pneumo the day after which kept me out of action for some time, cards from when I was in and out of the Brompton like a ping-pong ball (how people kept up the patience to time and again write to me I have no idea but I am very grateful), a letter from a beautiful young lady with CF who is sadly no longer with us as her transplant never came, lung function reports which at the time I was pleased with as they’d gone up 2% but I look now and cannot believe the difference. Bitter-sweet memories which are tugged to the forefront of your mind by triggers like a card or a gift, which is one of the reasons I am such an atrocious hoarder; things hold so much significance to me and to various episodes in my life.

I have also signed up (third year running!) to do the hydro active, which now appears to be called the Adidas challenge but which shall always remain hydro active to me. People are already joining the Angels so please do hurry and sign up if you want to help us raise money for the CF Trust. I am looking forward to getting training and hopefully my ankles will be significantly thinner than last year...

5 comments:

L x said...

Pleased to hear you are keeping busy, but don't overdo it! You got 5km to run in September!!
And I'll put £20 on the Justgiving page if you remove that picture with fat me on! xxx

Alice said...

I tagged you in a blog-chain-letter-thing! Go to my blog and follow the instructions if you want! Glad to hear you're doing so well!

Emmie said...

Wooo! You chose my suggested name for the Angels! Do I win a prize? x

Anonymous said...

medxfryrtpqpyI'll be sending a small donation for the Angel's your way Em as sadly i won't be able to make it due to naughty kidney's. My last challenge event will be the 10K in Leeds then I've been told to hang up my trainers by my renal team. Will be thinking of you all though and know you do a grand job and maybe jogging part way round knowing you!!
Sending you lots of love
Ali
xxxxx

Anonymous said...

you have been keeping very busy, but dont overdo it and have to have another day off!
love jennie higgins
XX