So yesterday's (posted) blog was written when I was in hosp on the Tuesday and had no internet (by the way I am out now and these are being posted retrospectively).
And here's Wednesday's blog.
“Good morning, sleep well?” asked a gentle cheery voice peering round the curtain. I answered sleepily in the affirmative and automatically held out my arm for a blood pressure cuff and sats probe; clearly being in hospital is like riding a bike. Perfect sats, BP and temp (hurrah) left me feeling positive, even when told I am now nil by mouth as if they still cannot locate the problem they will do a bronchoscopy at lunchtime.
I am on the 2nd floor so upon opening my curtains I am greeted to a lightly frosted spread of fields and trees, with golden sun-painted tips. The blue sky and early morning sunshine create a breathtaking view so I stand by the window, drinking it all in.
“Lovely isn’t it?” says a voice and I turn to see (let’s call her) S, a lady a few beds down, who has laboriously made it back from the bathroom, oxygen cylinder in tow. She’s in for her assessment and tells me she is worried she will not be accepted onto the list as she is over 60. It’s hard to answer to that so I tell her my honest feeling; that what they look for as well as age is determination and she clearly demonstrates this. But we are both aware that her age and frailty combined with the huge lack of donors and the number of young people waiting may well count against her. We chat a little, pausing regularly for her to draw breath and for me to stare out of the window.
Her emotional journey so reflects my own; your world becomes smaller, everything is a mammoth task...it begins to feel that you are existing rather than living. Only I didn’t have that fear that I wouldn’t be accepted onto the list. Well nothing is certain, so I knew there was a slim chance there could be a problem, but there were no evident factors which could cause an issue therefore my chances of making it on were fairly good.
I like S instantly, her warmth and openness is very apparent, and I am hoping very much that her body is strong enough and that the doctors will see a determination in her which allows them to put her forward for transplantation. She wanders back to her bed as a nurse approaches me to give me a huge hug – she’s just worked out that I am me with a new surname and has come to congratulate me.
I am feeling extremely happy and content this morning – two things which I definitely did not expect to be feeling right now. Sometimes something like an admission to hospital makes you stop and re-assess, and the most wonderful thing is that I am sitting here wishing I was back home and back at work. How lucky am I to love my job so much? To be so happy? It’s a nice thing to be missing these things and it reminds me how special they are to me.
As I am nil by mouth (the joys) my Lung Function Tests and CT scan are done and completed very quickly. If the CT results show anything, I'm heading down for a bronchoscopy. The phlebotomist arrives and takes more blood. Time to sit and wait. Thank goodness I have this computer.
To be continued...
6 days ago